The Party
by Instant Vegetable
Summary: Relena hosts a party at her house, and nothing goes as planned


The Party  
  
Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah, I'm sure all of you know about this shit by now.  
  
  
Relena is throwing a party at her house in celebration of her and Heero's engagement.  
  
Thump, thump, thump!  
Relena answers the door.  
  
Relena: Oh hi Duo, glad you could make it!  
  
Duo: Anything for a friend, where's the alcohol?  
  
Relena: Right over there, through that room and in the fridge in the kitchen.  
  
Duo: Alright!  
Duo hurries off to the fridge.  
  
Relena: Isn't it nice that all of your friends are coming Heero?  
  
Heero: Yeah whatever, I only think Duo is here for the beer anyway.  
  
Relena: Oh yeah that's right, he has that drinking problem. I don't understand why he drinks so much. Whatever happened to him?  
  
Heero: You know...that one time where he was fooling around with Deathscythe when he "accidently" impaled his cat.  
  
Relena: He had a cat?  
Ding Dong!  
  
Relena: Oh that must be Trowa, i'll go get it.  
She opens the door.  
  
Relena: Hey! Who the hell are you?!  
  
Man: I am the great super saiyan Vegeta! Bow before me woman!  
  
Relena: I don't know how you got this address, and why are you here?  
  
Vegeta: I was told that Kakarott was going to be here so I wanted to pay a visit and show him how strong I've become.  
  
Relena: Well, I guess you can stay, there are refreshments in the kitchen.  
  
Vegeta: Out of my way woman, i'll do whatever the hell I want, I am a super saiyan!  
Vegeta walks off into the kitchen.  
Duo sees Vegeta walk in and gives him a mad look.  
  
Duo: You must be here for the beer. *burp*. You're.....n-n-n-o-o-ttt coming any closer you here?  
  
Vegeta looks at Duo laying there surrounded by dozens of empty beer bottles and as if protecting the fridge.  
  
Vegeta: Is that a challenge? You wish to challenge me! Ha ha ha ha! You don't know what you're up against!  
Vegeta transforms into a super saiyan as Heero walks in  
  
Heero: Hey! Stop it whoever you are your making scorch marks all over my beautiful kitchen floor.  
Vegeta looks at him.  
Vegeta stops and walks off, he sits in the living room waiting for Kakarott.  
Heero drops to the ground kissing his scorched floor.  
  
Heero: Oh my god, what has he done to you! Did he hurt you my dear. *smooch, smooch*  
Heero looks up for a second at Duo laying there in a puddle of his own spew and juices.  
  
Heero: Hey, what the fuck Duo! I should have guessed you'de drink all the beer. You asshole!   
Heero carries the passed out Duo upstairs and throws him in the bathtub.  
  
Heero: The party hasn't even begun and you're already out. I expected more from you. Well, I might as well do my job.  
Heero pulls a handgun out of nowhere.  
  
Heero: Preparing to destroy the target.  
He aims at the unconcious Duo.  
Relena walks by.  
  
Relena: Heero, what do you think you're doing! Put that away!  
She takes the gun from him.  
*Pong*  
Heero collapses to floor bashing his head on the side of the bathtub knocking him out.  
  
Relena: Oh shit Heero are you alright?!  
She shakes him a bit.  
She picks him up and throws him in the tub along with Duo.  
Ding Dong!  
Relena answers the door.  
  
Vegeta: Is it Kakarott?!  
  
Relena: Why don't you shut up already, as a matter of fact, why don't you get the hell out of my house!!  
Vegeta looks at her.  
  
Vegeta: Oooo, I'm so scared, you better go get some paper towels cause I'm about to piss all over the floor.  
  
Relena smacks him.  
Ding Dong!  
  
Vegeta: That's it you fucking bitch, I've had about enough of you.  
Vegeta grabs her arm.  
Ding Dong!  
The door blows off and in walks Goku.  
Vegeta sees him and lets go of Relena.  
  
Vegeta: Kakarott! Finally you arrive. I've been waiting in this hell hole for quite some time.  
  
Relena: How dare you speak like that about my house.  
Relena rips at Vegeta's jacket eventually tearing it off exposing Vegeta's pink "badman" shirt.  
  
Vegeta: Fuck! Uhhhh....how did that get there. I swear I took this off.  
  
Goku: Ha ha ha ha! Vegeta, I never knew you liked pink so much.  
  
Vegeta: Shut up Kakarott! I'll fucking kill you!  
  
Goku: Bring it on.  
  
Vegeta: Very well, you asked for it.  
Vegeta and Goku leave the house and begin battle in the front yard.  
Just then a car pulls up in the driveway and Quatre walks out.  
Vegeta's body comes flying towards Quatre  
  
Quatre: Holy shit!  
Vegeta's body hits the car causing an explosion sending bits of car shrapnel and limbs of Quatre everywhere.  
Vegeta emerges from the rubble and charges back at Goku as if unharmed.  
  
Relena: Quatre!   
She runs over to the flaming wreckage to find nothing but blood and chunks.  
  
Relena: Oh, you little piece of shit. You're going to pay.  
Relena runs back into the house and a few minutes later Wing Zero flies out of the backyard and lands in front of Vegeta.  
  
Vegeta: What the fuck!  
  
Relena: Time to die Vegeta! Ha ha ha!  
Another car comes down the street but this time Trowa and Catherine come out.  
  
Relena: There's refreshments in the kitchen if there's any left!  
  
Trowa and Catherine: Thanks!  
Trowa and Catherine walk into the house with no door. They go into the kitchen and get some drinks and sit down in the living room watching the fight between Vegeta and Relena in Wing Zero.  
  
Trowa: Very entertaining.  
Meanwhile in the bathroom:  
  
Heero: Uhhh, my head......what happened?  
Duo wakes up.  
  
Duo: Hey, what the hell, you gay prick! Wait till Relena finds out about this.  
  
Heero: I'm not gay asswipe. I don't know why I'm here.  
A lump forms in Duo's throat.  
  
Heero: What's wrong........  
Duo's cheeks bulge.  
  
Heero: Oh shit.  
A streaming projectile of yellow vomit flies towards Heero and splats in his eye.  
  
Heero: A fuck it burns, FUCK! My eye! Holy shit! Ahhhhh!!!  
Heero runs off down the hall with his hands around his face.  
Heero: My precious face!  
  
Duo: Ha ha ha. Uhhhh.....I don't feel so good.  
Another splash of vomit flies up into the air and lands all over Duo's leather jacket.  
  
Duo: Shit.  
Duo gets up out of the bathtub and makes his way downstairs.  
  
Trowa: Who do you think will win?  
  
Catherine: My bets are on the guy with the pink shirt. He's gay right?  
  
Trowa: I'm not sure.  
*Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, *snap*, thump*  
  
Duo: Uhhhh....fuck, my leg.  
  
Trowa: Oh shit! Duo!  
  
Catherine: Oh my god he fell down the stairs!  
  
Trowa: His leg is fucked.....kneecap popped right off.  
  
Duo: Shit that stings.  
  
Catherine: No shit bunghole. You're not going to be able to move now until you get medical assistance.  
  
Duo: Hey i'll be fine, I am the God of Death after all right.  
Duo stands up. *Snap, split*  
  
Duo: Ahhhhh!  
Duo's left leg crinkled up and snapped off leaving a fat mess of blood all over the carpet.  
  
Trowa: Ouch. Looks like he's finished.  
Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!  
Vegeta smashes through the front window but stands up immediately and flies back out.  
More explosions go off.  
Heero appears with a bandage around his eye when he sees the pool of blood on his carpet.  
  
Heero: Oh my god!   
Heero runs down the stairs.  
  
Heero: Oh my god!, oh my god, oh my god.........My carpet!!!  
He stands up looking at the ceiling  
  
Heero: Why!? Why!? damn you, damn you to hell!  
  
Trowa: Heero, Duo's dead.  
Heero looks down at the corpse.  
  
Heero: Oh yeah, but my carpet though, it's ruined damnit, RUINED!  
  
Trowa: Maybe we should leave. I don't think this party is going to well for you guys, you got a mutilated corpse of a friend in front of you, Wing Zero and some guy in a pink shirt fighting in your front yard.  
  
Heero: What! Wing Zero! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!........................MY LAWN!!!!!!!!!!  
Heero runs off into the basement and disappears.  
  
Trowa and Catherine go sit down on the couch again.  
Wufei walks out of the kitchen with no pants on.........or underwear.  
Trowa looks at him.  
  
Trowa: Where the hell did you come from!?  
(don't ask me how Wufei got there, he just did, I felt like I needed to put him in there somehow.)  
  
Wufei: I don't now how I got here. One minute I was in my bed watching a porno movie the next..........  
Wufei looks down.  
  
Wufei: Well, this is a dilly of pickle alright.  
  
Catherine: You're right about the pickle part at least. Here, i'll get you some pants.  
Catherine and Wufei walk upstairs into the bedroom while drool is seaping out of Catherines mouth as she stares at Wufei's schlong.  
Trowa continues to watch the fight when all of a sudden a large rumbling occurs.   
Trowa runs outside and looks up into the sky. A modified version of Wing appear, the only difference is that the Wing has been re-done so to speak.  
  
Trowa: Good god, it's the Gundam Gay Wing!  
Trowa looks at the Gundam covered in a pink maids outfit with flowers where the machine cannons should be.  
Wing lands and instead of pulling out his beam sabre he pulls out a broom, and instead of his beam cannon he pulls out an oversized bottle windex.  
  
Heero: Get the fuck off my lawn!  
Heero hits Vegeta with the broom sending him flying and sprays Goku with the windex  
  
Goku: Ahhhhh, it burns!!!!!!  
Goku runs off down the street.  
Heero begins to mend his flower bed.  
  
Heero: No one fucks with my flower bed!  
  
  
After Events:  
  
Heero Yuy went on to join Martha Stewart as a co-host on her show.  
  
Relena and Heero never got married. Heero had his sights set on Martha  
  
Duo: Thats obvious, but for all you vegetables, he's dead. It even says in the fic. Dumb shits.  
  
Trowa fell asleep on the couch and was thrown outside in along with the trash because Heero thought that Trowa's body was giving off to much dust. Trowa was never seen since.  
  
Catherine and Wufei make adult films. Nuff' said.  
  
Vegeta was found somewhere in Somalia in an outhouse. The kids marvel his bright pink shirt.  
  
Goku had to get plastic surgery due to 10th degree burns. Seven degrees had to be added to the max because of the severity of the burn. Goku now looks like Al Gore.  
  
Thanks to Hand of Nob for posting this on fanfiction.net for me. All you people should check out his fics, I find them hilarious. I helped him make some of the cooking with vegeta parts. My name is Instant Vegetable. More of my fics coming soon! REVIEW THIS FIC PLEASE!!!!!!!!  



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